Being a Better Tennis Parent Part 3: Parent vs Child

Part 3: Parent vs Child

Are you helping or hurting?

DAY 1 Be ready to help emotionally and offer encouragement especially when your children face hard times.
AVOID using punishment and withdrawal of love, affection and warmth to get your children to try harder or perform better.

 

DAY 2 Make your child feel valuable and reinforce his self-esteem especially when he loses.
AVOID criticising your children’s results.

 

DAY 3 Clearly state that your child is playing and you will be there encouraging him if he wants you to be.
AVOID saying, “We’re playing today,” as if you were going to be on court too.

 

DAY 4 Recognise your child’s achievements in tennis but keep their feet firmly on the ground by keeping sporting results in perspective.
AVOID placing them on a pedestal.

 

DAY 5 Emphasise that, “Win or lose, I love you just the same”.
AVOID getting upset or treating your child differently when he loses.

 

DAY 6 Stay throughout the match and show your child by not overreacting to positive or negative situations, that regardless of the score, you care and you value his effort.
AVOID walking away from a match because your child is doing badly.

 

DAY 7 Ask questions such as, “How was the match?”, “How did you play?”, “Did you enjoy it?”, which show you care about your child and their performance/enjoyment rather than the result.
AVOID asking, “Did you win?” after your child comes back from a match.

 

DAY 8 Take injuries seriously and if in doubt consult a doctor. Don’t ignore aches and pains and never force your child to play when injured.
AVOID over training and burnout. Don’t forget that your child is still growing.

 

 

DAY 9 Be supportive (financially and otherwise), reinforcing that you are happy to support your child’s involvement in tennis.
AVOID fostering guilt by making your child feel that he owes you for the time, money and sacrifices you have made.

 

DAY 10 Try to encourage your child to be independent and to think for himself.
AVOID coaching from the sidelines.

 

DAY 11 Following a loss by your child, keep the loss in perspective by emphasising that it is only a tennis match. However bad the result was, the world hasn’t come to an end and the sun will come up again tomorrow.
AVOID verbally or physically abusing your child, particularly following a loss.

 

DAY 12 Be honest and consistent when communicating with your child about his tennis.
AVOID lying.

 

DAY 13 Encourage your child to take responsibility for their success or failure and to face up to the reality of the match and their actions (e.g. “it was the same surface for both of you”). The main objective should be, whatever the conditions, to help them to focus on trying their best . Then they will always be “true winners”.
AVOID making excuses for your child (“the court was too slow”, “the opponent was lucky”, blame the umpire etc.).

 

DAY 14 Show your interest in your child’s tennis by attending events occasionally.
AVOID attending every practice and every match.

 

DAY 15 Let the coach decide how much your child should practice.
AVOID criticising your child for failure to play more tennis, or forcing him to train. Remember when it comes to training, quality is more important than quantity.

 

DAY 16 Understand the risks and look for the signs of stress (sleeplessness, hypercriticism, cheating, etc.).
AVOID being insensitive to your child’s expressions of insecurity and anxiety, resulting from their involvement in competitive sport.

 

 

DAY 17 The only expectation that you should have from your child’s involvement in tennis is that playing tennis will help your child to become a better person and athlete. Anything else will be a bonus.
AVOID assuming or expecting that your child will become a successful professional tennis player.

 

DAY 18 Encourage your child to play other sports, to build relationships and to participate in other activities.
AVOID forcing your child to focus entirely on tennis.

 

DAY 19 Compare your child’s progress with his own abilities/goals.
AVOID comparing your child’s progress with that of other children.

 

DAY 20 Try to motivate your child in a positive and caring way (eg. positive reinforcement). A ratio of 3 : 1 positive comments to each negative one is a good guide for giving effective feedback to your child.
AVOID harassing or using sarcasm to motivate your child.

 

DAY 21 Ensure your child respects the principles of good sportsmanship, behaviour and ethics.
AVOID ignoring your child’s poor behaviour (cheating, using abusive language or treating others with disrespect) or overlooking critical areas of your child’s development at the expense of tennis. If this type of behaviour occurs, get involved quickly and be prepared to act if his behaviour is unacceptable.

 

DAY 22 Reward your child for what he is as a human being not as a tennis player.
AVOID tying special privileges, prizes, external rewards, etc., to winning in tennis.

 

DAY 23 Understand that you and your child need to share other interests and will often need a break from tennis.
AVOID arguing or spending too much time speaking about tennis with your child.

 

DAY 24 Your child’s welfare and well being is the most important thing.
AVOID letting your child’s tennis become more important to you than your child.

 

DAY 25 Realise that tennis players usually need some space when they lose. A pat on the back or an unemotional word of encouragement is often sufficient as the player leaves the court. You can discuss the match when they are less emotional.
AVOID forcing your child to talk with you immediately after a loss.

 

DAY 26 Let your child know that you are ready whenever possible to provide transportation for them to tournaments and practice.
AVOID insisting on accompanying your child to every lesson and match.